The picture above is me. I was not, contrary to popular belief, dressed that way for a kink party. It was, in fact, for a wedding. One of the strings on my dilettante bow is that of marriage celebrant. The bride and groom want to be married by batman, that’s what they get.
I have just returned tonight from a rehearsal for a wedding I am conducting tomorrow.
So today’s piece is about just that.
I AM AUTHORIZED BY LAW
I speak the monitum; very serious and official.
Read the relevant section of the Marriage Act.
Tell the couple to “repeat after me”.
Feed them the words that will make them married.
Hover over them as they sign umpteen documents,
all counter-signed by two witnesses (both over the age of 18).
Send documents off to the registrar.
Maintain the marriage register for seven years.
Duly read updates from the Attorney-General.
Complete my professional development every year.
I am efficient, confident and professional.
Yet every time I marry someone,
there is a moment;
just a moment;
when some part of me
collapses with emotion.
But no one will ever know.